it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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