I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
