Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
