She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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