2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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