What a fucking waste of an outfit
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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