Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
