I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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