All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
