Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
