good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
