Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
