how can u be prego again
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
