woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
