just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
