legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize