Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
