Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
