I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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