Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
