I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
