Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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