I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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