Say something about gay babies.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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