I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
