There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
