maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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