I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
