he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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