You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i've created a new STD.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
