Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
