it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
