They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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