mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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