I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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