i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize