hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
