Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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