why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
