You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
