Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
