fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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