i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
