guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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