Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
