If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
