just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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