She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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