we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize