He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
