i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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