Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
