Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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