Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
