Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
