went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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