This is not my ceiling
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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