I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
