so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
