If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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