If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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