i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
