barbara walters just said penis...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
