You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
