Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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