she woke up with a sticky ear
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
