Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
